We also saw the 16th Street Baptist Church and the monument dedicated to the four little girls killed in that church bombing; we heard Catherine Burks-Brooks, Cleopatra Goree, and Barbara Mines all speak about their experiences of activism in the movement; and we followed the footsteps of the protesters at Selma, as they moved towards that wall of policemen on Bloody Sunday. All of these experiences were very significant and moving in their own way. Yet what I am drawn to write about is our reflection following our walk across the bridge in Selma.
As we students made our away around Selma and the individual monuments on display, I felt like we were definite outsiders. We arrived there on a coach bus and were dropped off only to cross the bridge, our bus waiting to pick us up on the other side. We did not walk through the deserted streets of Selma and get a full picture of what the city was. And as we snapped our pictures and posed with history, I felt odd again. To me our brief experiences with Selma made it seem like just another piece of tourism--like we passed over a city in order to have a cathartic experience interacting with the few pieces of it that are recognized as historically significant. All this crossed my mind as I slowly walked alone between the different testaments to the protesters at Selma. I mentioned it in passing to my teacher, and when we moved into our circle of reflection he asked me to share what I told him. I was not really expecting that, and I think I did not explain myself very well to the group. I muttered something along the lines of feeling like we were just being tourists in our current setting and how people were just taking pictures with everything, and how I felt like we were removed from everything that had happened there. But my words came off as accusatory, and people took it as a personal assault, and that was absolutely not my intention.
In the moment I just was reacting to the setting of such pain and sacrifice of the past with a solemn, and in my eyes respective, outlook. But what I failed to realize in that snapshot was that a person can be appreciative of the historical significance of such an important place without appearing to be outwardly grieving. One can openly rejoice in the company of their friends in the present, while being thankful for the sacrifice of those people who sacrificed their lives and bodies in the place where that person now stands.
Needless to say what I said was taken personally, and with the way I poorly explained my rash observation, I understand why. I felt incredibly guilty afterwards, and still do, since it is never my intention to delegitimize one's feelings or force my own reaction to a situation upon them. From that situation I also did some more self-reflection, and realized that I often do some sort of self-evaluation in most situations, but then I kind of pat myself on the back for it and don't go deeper. I can always do better in understanding the perspectives of others, and in collecting my thoughts so that they can be presented in a succinct manner in which, if they truly do reflect my personal beliefs and values, hopefully does not make one feel inferior or shamed.
From this group reflection I also gained an appreciation of the people who could be so open with everyone around them, giving them a glimpse into their lives and deepest personal experiences. I was touched by the intimate sharing of people's struggles, including those of people who I have known for a while and care for deeply, and it made me want to share my perspective with people more often. It is a rare occasion that I completely open myself up to another human being, and as a result it builds up until one cf my few confidantes feels the weight of a large portion of it in one moment. But I realize that there are also more layers to my personal experience than the snippets I share with the few confidantes I have, and it is my goal to share my perspective and moments of self-reflection more often with those around me, so that they can better understand who I am, and feel more comfortable being in my presence.
I knew this trip had the potential to be transformative and powerful, but I did not realize it would call upon myself to do more self-reflection than I usually do. I am still very grateful to have the opportunity to be on this trip, and I am encouraged by all the productive conversations between people of different worlds. Conversations like these are essential to the betterment of our future and the shaping of a more just society, so I hope to continue this progress, and move forward having these honest talks with people of all different perspectives.
Pablo Richter, Baltimore City College
No comments:
Post a Comment